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Birthday wishes

Birthday wishes. A fever of emotions. Today I count calories and cocktails, track those who write me congratulations and those who don’t. I think in absolutes and measure the time, weighing it only to find it wanting. Those who came and left, those who are still here, those who can never meet me here.

So many things run through my mind. When I look close, I see the first birthday without you. Looking further, this birthday is so far from you.

Even farther, you never made it to this age.

My life is a dream, hazy and unrealized. A contorted programming of unmet desire, emptiness and hope that evaporates into the air when I wipe the sleep from my eyes.

My life exists in duality. Contrast and contours.

What will this year bring? What unknown lies before me? Is it something to be conquered?

Something to endure or overcome? Something that will fill me and lift me with it’s highs?

So I continue, feeding my faith with sincerity and hope. Guiding myself along this life’s many paths and many versions of truth.

I close my eyes, lean forward to blow out the candle and silently send a wish. Hoping my hope won’t be considered greed.

Bring me love. Bring me joy. Make what I've been dreaming of become real.

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