bitch

Bitch. Mean. Cold. Harsh.

That’s something I heard a lot when I was younger. I never thought of myself as a mean person or a bitch, because actually I’m a pretty sensitive person and soft. But life was tough and I was honest (brutally), determined and smart. The wrong mix of traits for a young girl, especially at an age where the world is determined to tell you to get in line and not ask for much. All that just made me rebel more against the idea of soft femininity not combined with grit or goals.

Direct. Strict. Ambitious.

I think these are the words I mostly could hear now. I can’t remember the last time someone called me a bitch but I do know the last time I felt bitchy. Life is still tough, and I’m still honest, determined and smart. I’m an ambitious woman, who wants a lot out of my life. But I think I let my soft side show more, although still mostly my close friends know that side best. I have Shelby to thank for that.

Now I hear more things like ‘men don't like smart women’ ‘successful women who earn a lot stay single’, etc. I still can’t understand what’s so wrong with accomplishing my goals and living my life the way I please as a woman. (Also, what’s so wrong with being single?). I'll be happily labeled a bitch if it means I’m authentic to myself, if it means I’m a hard worker, a leader, someone not easily intimidated, someone who stands for something.

Thank you for the compliment, I can say now.