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listening for heart beats in the darkness

I just want to indulge my vices. I want to smoke. I want to drink. I want to give in to every urge to kiss you. I want to stay up until the street lights turn off and the dark becomes something that makes me hesitate. I want to sit in that quiet awareness until the sun comes up, thinking about things I shouldn’t, listening for heart beats in the darkness. So many days pass by, and so many nights end early.

There’s a few people I think about in those early hours of the morning.

So instead of giving in, of thinking and overthinking, I schedule myself into dullness. I don’t give in even an inch, I go to bed on time. It doesn’t matter. I wake up after a few hours and lie there, listening for heart beats in the darkness.

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